Friday, March 31, 2006

Drivers wanted...

I've been interviewing for jobs, and this afternoon I got turned down for Texas Teaching Fellows. It’s highly competitive: 3000 applicants for 175 slots, and I made the first cut, which only 1 in 2 applicants does, but still...I’m beginning to feel like no one is ever going to hire me again, and damn, if I had endless money, I wouldn’t care. Although it’s an excellent program, my heart was not really in it (which they may have picked up on), so in a way, it’s sort of a relief. I had an interview for a Program Analyst position on Monday, but I don’t think I made the cut for that position either, although I haven’t heard anything back one way or the other. Although C loves working at the place where I interviewed, I don’t really want to be a Program Analyst. I was amazed that they've been pursuing me for that position, and I have to admit that I did the interview mostly to satisfy my own curiosity about what they'd seen on my CV that made them think I was a good candidate for a PA position. I’d love to have a writing job, and have applied for a medical writing job, but the HR person has told me that right now they’re leaning toward hiring someone with a journalism degree, which puts me out of the running for that as well. And I have to admit, when I walk in there...although everyone working there seems to love it, it creeps me out a little, it’s so corporate. The thought of wearing stockings and heels and pencil skirts and sweater sets to work each day is not appealing to me. I’ve become so spoiled...I like getting up and pulling back my hair, putting in my contacts and applying a little mascara and lipstick, spritzing on a spray of cologne and slipping into khakis or jeans, and a t-shirt or sweater and open toed shoes, and then having coffee and easing into the day at my leisure.

Sooooo...what to do? I miss working with kids, and I miss child psychiatry, but I’ll never go back to the University. It’s a dead end in terms of career, and I’m so much better off being out of there. I’ve been reading a lot of articles about changing paths in mid-life, which is what I’m doing, although at 56 I’m beyond mid-life...anyway, one of the things one is supposed to do is to imagine, what you would do if money were no object. For starters, I’d never work for anyone again. I’d work, but for myself. I’ve never liked answering to others, and age hasn’t made me more amenable to that. I guess there are some exceptions; AP is starting a private practice, and if he offered me a job helping him to set up and run his office, I’d probably accept that in a NY minute, although it wouldn’t be without its problems, working for a friend. Still, it’s child psychiatry, and I love child psych. On the other hand, if I could snap my fingers and change my life, maybe I’d be an interior decorator at this point in time. Like Michael (who’s in the process of applying to the Visual Communications program at UA), I love design, and I believe I’d enjoy helping people plan how to decorate a room...but I don’t feel up to a lot more than that right now.

I feel so blah at this point in time, as if all my vitality has left me. I never thought I’d say this, but middle-aged malaise has hit me hard...

I am so overdue for an adventure...

10 comments:

Theresa Williams said...

Glad to see a post from you. I was just wondering tonight where you were. It is interesting, isn't it, that they want to hire someone with a journalism degree? When you can obviously write your *** off. I mean, really! I see the kids that graduate from these journalism degrees. I work with them. Their work lacks energy, insight. Speaking of energy: so sorry you've got the blahs. Is that why you haven't posted of late? And on a slightly different note, won't you think about submitting something to "Releasing Times"? The link is at my blog, and I feel the editor would like your work very much.

Tammy said...

Judi, you are so talented why not dip your toes in to a few of your passions at one time. Decorate to build a portfolio, submit something and get your beautiful photography seen. Judi Inc. sounds perfect. Can you work for your friend part time? 56 is the new middle age, plus you look Much younger. That means your in your prime! Take a road trip and let yourself just be, listen to your passion. Hey, I got a empty retirement home I could use advise on too. I've missed ya!

Theresa Williams said...

Judi, You can send Julie @ Releasing Times anything you want, send several, but please, I BEG you, send her that piece about the internet sex talk. Oh, I think she will LOVE it. Thank you for all the comments at my blog! What a treat to come home from a long walk with my husband and see all of those comments waiting in my mailbox!

Lisa :-] said...

I must have missed why you are out looking for a job... That sucks at any age, but doesn't get any easier as you grow older.

I encourage you to think about working for yourself. Of course, it probably won't be as lucrative as you may be used to, but some things are worth more than money. :-]

TJ said...

{{{ Judi }}} I missed you.
Someone with your credibility should seriously consider options.
I have long wanted to open a center for children's health. A place that is like a combination of arobics/exercise. Teaching healthy eating habits and just enjoying watching the kids move about and grow.
Interior decor would be aboput as cool as it can get!! Spending others money would really make me smile. LOL
Good to hear from you again my friend.
TJ

your favorite daughter said...

Why does your career be something you totaly love, breathe, and live???

The world I grew up in, and live in now, you have to adapt quickly because once you pick one thing, the job becomes obsolete and you must find something else.

Work not for something you love but so you can do the things you love. Who loves to work really? Only a few people out of the 6 billion plus on this planet probably get to say that.

I'm not saying let's all go out and flip burgers so we can live on the beach, but don't rule it out. I mean, if you got to live on the beach...

We are all to absorbed in our "career" and think that it defines us. Then you end up being the sorry sap who works 60 hours a week for the same paycheck the slacker in the cube next to you gets.

There's a lot in this world that I wish I didn't have to deal with, like traffic, junk food, my son throwing fits in the grocery store, zits,work, arguments, bad television, news, death, etc. But I can't stay inside because I don't like those things. I find the things I like and try to stay around them more: Sunshine, kittens, kisses, hugs, family, friends, hot baths, walking, smiling, afternoon napping. I also try to choose the things I do and hold responsibility more so that I can spend time with the things I like.

Nothing will ever come to you the way you want it, but it's up to you to turn it into something you can enjoy.

Get a job you can live with. Then call me when you are on the beach in Mexico writing in your journal.

Just because your career doesn't take you there doesn't mean you can't go. Get over it.

emmapeelDallas said...

When did you get to be so wise? And I mean that, you ARE wise, beyond your years...I'm envious. For so long, at the U, I was the idiot working 60-80 hours a week for the same salary that everyone else was doing for 35-40...and now I feel burned out. This is not, "woe is me" but at age 56 I admit I feel lost...

alphawoman said...

Looking for a job is a job in itself. Don't give up. 56 is not middle age...rmember, 50 is the new 30!!

doc-t said...

I feel for you. I know about that job search thing.

basically it SUCKS

I do not know how many positions i've applied for and how many copies of my C.V. are floating around out there in the world...

rejection is a harsh mistress!

dreaminglily said...

Well... If you want to do design but don't have time for classes, online courses in college are becoming really popular (some already are)... And I heard that in a few years an online degree will be BETTER than a classroom degree, and even if you don't want to go that far, no harm in taking a class in something you enjoy.

And I agree with Tammy. You look much younger than you are. And 56 isn't that old anymore. Do what you LOVE. You're earned it.

~Lily