Sunday, March 01, 2009

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly - Viewer Discretion Advised

So my boss came by my cube a couple of weeks ago, as is her wont, sat down and said, “I saw a truck with, uh, balls hanging off the back of it this afternoon. Do you know anything about that?”


Do I know anything about, uh, balls? A little…but didn’t really wanna have that conversation with my boss. About trucks? Nothing, zero, nada…although the word “Hemi”, which I can’t define, did leap, unwarranted, into my mind. About trucks with balls? Even less than I know about trucks…and why was she ASKING me this? Or should I say, why was she asking ME this?

Then I realized, shoot, it’s probably because I'd recently had Ike neutered, which I’d discussed with her as I'd needed to telecommute that day, and like it or not, I'd therefore, albeit inadvertently, opened the topic for discussion. But really, I didn’t think I had (opened the topic for discussion). I mean, when I sent her an email about it, this was the pic I'd included of Ike, HELLO.

“Uh, whaddya mean, balls hanging from a truck?” I asked.

“I’m not kidding,” she said. “I was driving down I-35, and this big pick-up truck came up next to me and then passed me, very loud, and there were, uh…balls hanging from it’s rear.”



“As in…?”


"Whoa. I’ve never seen that...”

“Yeah, I hadn’t either, and if I never see it again it’ll be too soon, but here’s the thing that I don’t get…it was a BIG truck…”


“Yeah, and the balls were…tiny. I mean


“Yeah! What’s the message there?”

I’m willing to concede there are testosterone challenged males who feel the need to do this (hang balls from their trucks). Obviously this is so, because the evidence is all around us. But who are they doing this for, besides themselves, I mean? Certainly not for women, because all of the women I’ve discussed this with have, like my boss and me, been thoroughly grossed out. And if they’re hanging them there for other guys to see…well why not have them in proportion to the size of the truck, or even BIGGER? Shoot, if I were a guy inclined to do this, I’d be looking for basketballs to make my point.

Since this interesting little late afternoon conversation, I’ve googled the topic. The things are called (yuck):
BumperNutz, Car Balls, Truck Balls, Truck Nutz, etc. They’re sold online (of course) and come in a variety of colors and sizes, from small (4”), flesh-colored little biker nuts ($8.75) to BumperBalls Designer Series, “Big Boy Style” tumbled brass balls. Designed for bigger trucks and Hummers, those weigh 3 pounds and cost $55.00, but Key ring nuts are also available (I am not making this up!) for those nuts who are so insecure they have to have access, of a sort, at all times, to their masculinity.

I’ve concluded this must be a basic gender difference, because I can’t imagine a woman having a fake uterus hanging down from the back of her car.


Not under any circumstances.

But if a woman were to do that...say, a woman selling Mary Kay cosmetics, with a big pink Cadillac… how far do you think that woman would be able to actually drive, with a big pink uterus hanging out from the rear of her car, before she got pulled over and issued a ticket? I mean, seriously…

That’s all I’m gonna say about it.

Welllllllll, almost.

OK, I have to admit, along the same lines...when we first moved to Texas, I admired that they’d done it, but wondered how it had come to be that the logo for the University of Texas was a line drawing of women’s fallopian tubes. It’s not, of course, the logo is Texas Longhorns, but just look at this, and you’ll see what I mean:

I rest my case.


Chris said...

Hate to break it to ya, but EVERY Dodge RAM truck has a uterus on it:


Theresa Williams said...

Omg, Judi, this is crazy, outrageous! I love it!

Harry Finch said...

The sorry truth is that no matter how you color or polymerize it, the scrotum will always be unattractive.

pam said...


TJ said...

And if they’re hanging them there for other guys to see…well why not have them in proportion to the size of the truck, or even BIGGER?

You tell em' I can't quit laughing!!
I needed that!
Hugs TJ

Tammy said...

ROFL Now that's entertaining!

JACKIE said...

I thought I'd seen everything. LOL

~ Lor said...

Priceless! What a great post :)

Now I really need to convince hubby to get me a new vehicle...We're driving one with the uterus, OH MY. I'm sure he'd be far more impressed to be driving one with balls instead! Guess it's something Dodge needs to think about, lol.

Just a thought...I wonder if Mary Kay started putting huge breasts on their cadillacs if men would start buying their cosmetics!?!

Melissa said...

If you only knew how many scrotums I see in my work you would probably throw up! The old adage, "seen one, you've seen em all", NOT true!

emmapeelDallas said...

LOL Melissa!

bulls balls info said...

Hey, I think these things are hilarious, I got some great pictures over at my page if you want a laugh. Thanks

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