taking back my life...

So I’m steeped in corporate life these days...well, steeped in corporate life at work...at home, for better or for worse, I’m my usual free spirited self, doing what I want to do, e.g., more Beethoven last Thursday night (6 & 5); reading a lot of fiction lately, then up on the roof Sunday afternoon repairing the siding and touching up some trim. In spite of sustaining a life-threatening fall as a kid I never developed a fear of heights, and I’ve spent my fair share of time up on the roof of my house in the 23 years I’ve lived here. However, the highest point is 37' above the ground, and last Sunday, walking around up there, I found Indigo Girl lyrics running through my head, specifically:

Up in an airplane
Nearer my God to thee
I start making a deal
Inspired by gravity

If I did wrong I won't do it again
'cause I can be sweet and good and nice
And if I have enemies they're friends
I hold on to my life
With the grip of a vice...

Yeah, I realized that at 58, my roof walking days should probably be a thing of the past. No mishaps, but I admit I was happy to climb back down the ladder and feel the ground beneath my feet...

A couple of weeks ago, at work, I attended a full day of mandatory corporate training on how to better organize Outlook, with the idea that having done that, everything else in our lives that requires organization would fall into place. The workshop was run by a guy who was a total dweeb, and it was about as exciting as watching paint dry, to listen to him. I realized that most of what he was saying didn't apply to several of us when, early in the morning, he urged all of us to turn off our e-mail notifications, "and just check your e-mail once a day..." Uh-huh. In an ideal world, that might work, but I spend a great deal of time at work in a computer program that has some...problems...with the result that some days, several times a day, all of us who are working in that program suddenly receive e-mails from one of the programmers saying, "WARNING! The system has to be rebooted! Log out NOW!!!" Dunno what would happen if I ignored those, and don't wanna find out. While the dweeb waxed eloquent about the wonders of Outlook, my mind wandered, and I realized there are some areas in which I could stand to be more organized, although none of them were at work, where I'm nothing if not compulsively organized.

So I made a list of things I need to work on in the rest of my life, with the result that, yesterday afternoon, I left work early and went and signed papers to refinance my house. I switched to a fixed 15-year mortgage a full 2 points lower than the loan I had, and I borrowed some additional money to finish up repairs needed to sell the place (e.g., remove the pool and replace the fence), plus I’m paying off the credit card debt that I incurred after the fire.

All of which feels...strange...I admit it feels good to be exchanging the outrageous interest rates on the credit cards for one low fixed rate, but...I always feel so out of my element when dealing with money, and I know I’m not the only woman who feels that way. Put me in a small room with an adult or child having a full blown discussion with voices no one else can hear, coming from people no one else can see, and I'm fascinated, and in my element, but to have to deal with bankers or time management experts or car repair guys...those are the rooms, and people, I always want to go running from...

Hmmmmmmmmmmm....